Lucknow Jam-min’

It took me over a week to compile this article. Sorry, but I haven’t been keeping well, and I still am not well. Anyways, reporting back to the day when I was stuck in the jam. I was on my way to Charbagh to see off some of my relatives and I had to wind up an important task that day on my way back. I had to see my doctor who was kind getting bugged up of seeing me everyday.

We left at 4 and generally it takes around one hour to reach the station (Charbagh) but at 6 I had the so called appointment with the doctor. It was some ‘rally’ that day. Don’t worry, all the above text is just an invocation. Here goes all the happening things of that day:
Time: 5 PM
Venue: Gemini Continental Road (Still 6 kms away from Charbagh, thanks
to that traffic jam)
Meanwhile, signal received, cell phone beeped, who else she could be other than Aaishwari (hey you remember we were talking about something very interesting that day) and for those who don’t know, 70% of my inbox is filled with her SMSes. Anyways, that’s not the thing.

Suddenly a man on scooter next to our car reminded himself, “Oh aaj to Mayawati ki asthi-kalash yatra hain, fass gaya!” Perhaps he was too loud reminding himself. Another politically correct guy from somewhere (I just heard the voice) analyzed and corrected the first gentleman, “Arrey, Mayawati ki nahin, Kanshiram ki!” Overhearing this, a guy with her girlfriend glued to him on his bike retorted, “Saala Kanshiram, marne ke baad bhi pareshan kar raha hain!” A Neta Ji, who was keen on grabbing this opportunity (I am glad he was there in the cloud, because that species is highly explosive when mixed with crowd like this) and said loudly, “Agar Mayawati ek-do baar aur aisa kar de to iska to saara votva (UP word for vote) hi saffa ho jaye.” Ummm, certainly an opportunity captured.
It wasn’t about the woes only. It acted like a ‘Mini Kumbh Mela’. It is famous as a re-discovery spot, thanks to Bollywood. I heard a man on my right side screaming out to a man on my left, “Arrey bhaisahab, aap bhi yahan?” Wow, the best example of comment coated with surprise. The receiver, obviously embarrassed, “He-he-he (artificial one), aap bhi [go to step one] He-he-he (artificial one)!”, but I heard his heart saying it loud, “Ab yeh kameena pakayega”. The other question from the right side which was in the air went like, “Scooter? Zen kaha hain aapki?” The reply, “Arrey mujhe pata tha jam lagne wala hain aaj”. Great! Sir, kindly report to BCCI at the earliest. We need you there terribly. His heart yelled, “Amma, petrol kya u bharwayega?”

Some of them even enjoyed the Jam. They parked their cars and got something to eat from the near by bakeries, nice idea, indeed! It was never before when some volunteers came to the rescue (point noted your Honour, where was the traffic police?) and traffic started moving at snail’s pace. It was no longer that the snail transformed into a tortoise. One man came up to me and out of sheer sarcasm said, “Abhi tak aap yahi pahuche ho, I left you at the turn 15 minutes back”. I replied, “Oh now I know, aap wohi ho (as if I cared at that moment)?” Strange city, as if everyone knows everyone. I am sure, if we would have landed up at his bakery, he would have greeted us with some chocolate pastries. “Idhar kaato (turn), udhar nocho (word for scratch and dent)”, the voices were screaming these religious word all over. Thanks to my driver that I was familiar with this terminology otherwise I would have confused it with some horror movie starring Emraan Hashmi.
Anyways, everyone says, all is well that ends well. We reached Charbagh at around 6:30, my relatives missed their train and I missed my appointment. Got to know one more of city’s untouched face that day.

For the first time in 19 years I have seen that thing, rather, I was matured enough to enjoy that and trust me I have fallen in love with that face as well. However, I noticed that we stand united, at all times. It was heard everywhere and every mouth spoke about it. No matter the volume was low in some cases, but, every mouth (I mean it) said, “Saala Kanshiram, $*&^$#!&$#% Mayawati!”

P.S. : “I would like to pay my tribute to the debarred soul. May your soul rest in peace dear Sir. This was just what we all went through. It’s strange that you could not keep yourself away from the hands of some dirty politicians even after your death”

Writing Credits: Piyush Singh
Editing Credits: Aaishwari Chouhan