Here I Am – No One Again!

I don’t know why but I find winters damn romantic and now, I think, is the right time to romanticise with my long lost ‘words’. People were wondering, some even mentioned, ‘Blog is dead’. It happens. I was getting into a shell and that’s when the most beautiful pearl is formed. The shell fades away from the memory but the pearl is there to stay.
Welcome you all, a whole new world of…..Naah, wait a sec. the world is same but the things related to me have changed. Coming to winter once again, I couldn’t help adding the adjective ‘romantic’ to it.

Despite of everything ‘odd’ that has been happening with me, I m having a good and pleasurable time with all the loves of my life - melancholy, pain, words and craving. It’s so easy for me to say that I’ll rise up again but at the bottom of my heart I know that I am defeated. Lets make the set of words more perfect – I am fighting a battle which I know I m going to lose.
Anyways, everything else apart. Since love is in the air, what?! Did I hear anyone say ‘No’? Whatever but the fact will be a fact, IT IS. Winter just acts as a catalyst to it. That’s my approach to chemistry, never mind! Winters were on the prowl, second week of January and temperature was 2ºC below zero that day in Kanpur. I borrowed my team mate’s cell phone to make a call since I wasn’t carrying mine. I knew she would be right there next to the phone waiting for my call.

I : Main Piyush bol raha hoon.
She : Pata hain, kahan ho?....Maine kabse khana bana kar rakha hain….
I : Aa raha hoon baba, abhi abhi free hua hoon.
She : Jaldi aao, maine subah se kuch nahin khaya hain, jab society mein entry marna tab call kar dena aur yaha tumse milne ke liye bahut log baithe hain…
I : bas aa raha hoon !

Within 45 minutes, I was there in her society and phoned her when I entered the gate. She said that she would be waiting out on the road as it was virtually impossible to find her house which was numbered 450 & 451. I was in my car which was comparatively warmer than the environment outside. There she was rubbing her palms together and clad in a white sweater. Dedication, I must say, at that point of time I wouldn’t have waited for anyone like she did out in the open. Now things have changed.

Smile on her face almost killed me and I wasn’t able to figure whether it was a dream or a piece of reality till her warm hands touched mine for a hand shake. She guided me to her house all the while holding my hand and I can see the joy flushing on her face while my chauffer and team mate followed. There in her house, her Mom was waiting for me at the door and her 5 or 6 friends waiting for me at the couch. I was greeted with aroma of fantastic food as well.
Its not that I hate crowd but for that particular day, I just wanted to be left alone with her for some time since she already made a soft corner in my heart confessing her love for me 18 days back to the day of our meeting. She kept me forcing me for lunch at 5 in the evening; we (I, my team mate and she) finally compromised and settled for some hot tea. Her mom went to the kitchen. She took me to her room while my team mate entertained her folks singing one song after another.

There at her table I found the most pleasing collection of my poems, my cards (which I have sent her as a friend) and letters (wherein I would tell her stories, a new one every time). I sat on her bad and kept on staring at the floor. She took a seat on a couch next to bed. Although, I couldn’t see her but I could feel her near me. It was me who broke the silence by asking her whether she meant what she said 18 days back and if she was serious. The answer was yes and I still have got that frame frozen in my mind. It was foggy outside, foggier inside when I felt the dew drops roll down her eyes and touch the ground.

The tea arrived. I took the glass and kept it on the table. No one spoke. Eternal silence. She was trying to hand over the glass to me and accidentally our fingers touched. I realized the warmth of love is far more better than any other thing in this world. I wanted to live that moment through out my life. I so badly wished for the first time in my life that the time would stop but it's always been a traitor to me. I sat there admiring her face when the yellow light from the bulb projected a glow on her face; it might be love which made her glow. I asked her for a photograph of hers and she obliged. Time flied away like anything and I had to leave. Those were the best 40 minutes and I could make out her silhouette till fog engulfed it all while she stood there bidding by to me and car moved.

It’s been four years since this happened and I still regret that I could never confess what I felt for her and I know I would never get an opportunity to do that. Every time I think about her tears would roll down and I seep in to an unknown world where all I can see and explore is that face. I am unknown eternity since she had gone and people came and changed me as they pleased. The winter is knocking at my door again and all it brings is the fragrance of that lady who is far and far away in a distant world, in a distant entity. I stand up here at the terrace with my arms open embracing the cold winds hoping that one gush of air would carry her warmth and hold it on to me.

Writing Credits: Piyush Singh
Editing Credits: Aaishwari Chouhan